LG

We wove the clouds together with our silly kind minds.
And it seems I never entirely noticed, but without you,
I feel as if I've gone blind.
This is no plea, or begging prose,
Simply a way for me to unravel my thoughts of our friendships' ghost.
I'm sure you still ask about me
subconsciously, you ask your loved ones, I'm sure.
Pondering a plight you doubted I could endure.
You dropped me off the edge of your cold yet giving earth,
watched me spiraling downward into a hell I too thought would break my heart
beyond repair.
Now I look back on our old friendly photos.
Taking in the cold steam of heartlessness...
of forgetting...
Taking in the black smoke of betrayal...
and letting all this vapor filter through my mind.
I wish I could take back anything I did wrong.
But I wish I wouldn't have said anything at all
I want you to still remember me in the dark small of your thoughts.
I want to be still thought of as your first best friend.
I want to be loved in the back of your mind...
But I no longer wish to still be part of your life.
6/14/08

Lost hold.

My eyelids can't hold what's been
building up inside.
I'm using every last piece of shit in this room
to burn away the truth I hide.
I'm sorry that you think I lied
I'm sorry that your hold
let go the line. . .
I'm afraid I can't be anymore than a person
But you don't understand that on the inside I'm hurting.

And right now Its all blurring
back to when we were best friends
Back to now when it ends
And it will never be the same again.

Goodbye best friend.

I remember sitting outside,
We watched the sky go by,
and we'd talk about the time that you had made me cry
cause
You were afraid that guys would hurt me
That they'd use me and desert me
And our friendship grew strong
But now Its all gone.
Days spent at walmart
Afternoons by the pool.

Now I guess I'm nothing , huh?
Just some body you'd decide
to call a fool
Who's shit you cant deal with
But you can't even take your own

And I told you to come home
or to call me on the phone
But your girl thinks I'm a ho,
and you decided to go.
So I guess this is good bye,
Cause you've got enough selfish
nerve to say
I guess I'll never call you again
Not even to say
Hey.

"Twenty-four/Seven"

I take a second to find out what's missing...
Wishing It was You that I'm kissing
Instead of silence that catches the air
instead of you hugging me, I have my hair.
I'm gaining weight
trying to lose it back
trying to shovel and pick and bleed away
every little thing I lack...

Her perfect body
His perfect eyes
Her perfect hair
Her perfect lies
Small waist and muscular thighs.
I'll keep my smile alive in my mind...

You're the only time
I ever feel right
Like I want to be called attractive again
You're the only time
I ever feel good
Like I belong, belong in this over-sized skin
And I'm not Trapped in a state of mind
where my bones are too big,
when I'm around you, I feel like I should.

And I never want to leave your side,
to eat
nor sleep
nor in someone else abide.
nor weep
nor be weak
and in your chest, my heart lies.

I'm taking in my corner surroundings,
no you, no light, nothing good, nothing bright
and I'm not opening my eyes,
I take not my body from these ties.
As again I take in a soft breath of air
I still wish you were always here to hug me
instead of being surrounded by myself and my hair.
3/4/08

You've been gone.

February 16, 2008 - Saturday

I just found those pictures of you and tears well up in my eyes. I'll sit and wait for it all to go away As I've tried to do so many times and I still miss you even though you're not even here And I still miss you simply cause of those times I hold dear. But I won't stay I'll run away Untill your shaddow forever fades. I won't say why or who hurt me so badly that day. The future won't know why I linger in the past the past won't know my future the present will simply divide them both Divide until you're gone. You're gone. You're gone. You're gone. So why, then, won't you leave?

"How would you put it...?"

How can you fear
in a world where you don't feel here?
How could you assume
that you're able to hold things dear?
Would you ever think it possible
to dance 'round open flame?
To dance 'round open flame...
when the flames are never enough tame
the flames always want to consume you...
and that's what I love.

How would you put it,
this obsession with obsessing?

How could you blindly believe and
hope you're correct?
how could you smile and say you're doing alright,
when the flames continue to dissect...?

I will stand and watch the fire take you in
just to make sure that nothing is left of you
I will stand and watch you burn to death. . .
just to make sure that there is nothing left.
there's nothing left
there's nothing left

do you understand me now?
how would you put it....?

2/7/08

'Piece of shit'

Don't talk to me like I'm your
piece of shit.
Don't tell me how I live is wrong
And don't you fuckin' say
that my friends are out of age.
Don't you fucking say that, Just cause you can.
Cause you're a fucking bitch in the way
that you down talk me
shit talk, love.
Bitch, Walk, *SHOVE*

Shut up you stupid whore!
I don't want you here anymore!
Stop talking to me like I'm
You're piece of Shit. . .


I tried hard to be your daughter
I tried hard to be your "ANGEL"
Tried hard to keep a Mom,
But Now It's
All Gone...

thanks.

"Home."

I am sitting
in your wake.
I am singing
For your Sake.
Give me a reason
as to why I'm here. . .

Give me a song to
sooth my weary ears...................

I will need you
for a while.
I will see you (here).

(I will need to
cut the wire
I will see you go down
In my fire...)

I could never
Hide the dark...
Sitting here and this
fire is growing.

And its Hell's time now...
I'm going.
I'm going-
I'm going-

. . . Home.

this is a happy one

Its not often I
can write happy things.
I don't often say I love me.
It's been a while since
I've been so happy I cried
Its been a while since
I've been loved for me.
15 years not knowing how it feels
to love and be in love as well
I've been through
7 god damned levels of hell.
My life's never been the greatest,
but I'm not complaining
because now
I can sleep at night
Now I can feel alive
Now I can be alright.
I can say I love me
I can write a happy story.

It's all because You've brightened me

You help me sleep at night
You make me feel alive.
You make me feel alright...
And best of all
you love me...
Randy.

"Brand New"

Every thing's the same
But it all feels brand new
I don't ever want (You) to leave
I'm so in love with you. . .
I like it here,
I like this place
Let's stay a while
I like your style.
Hold my hand.
You make me smile.
They can try to make me sad
But nothing ever hurts as bad
when ever you're around.

Just one look makes it better
Just one smile.
make me shiver.
Make me feel brand new,
I'm so in Love with You.

(September 18, 2007)

"Nothing more (than nothing)"

Lay and watch the clouds roll by
Day dreams hold me to the sky.
I keep wishing you could be mine.
I keep hoping stupid lies.
Keep on hoping you'll be there when I cry.
Walking the streets without any aim
thinking, maybe, you'll join in my game.
But I feel like this will end the same.
Every step I take--reminds me of you.
You walk like you need nobody,
It makes it so much better
Back and forth I tether . . .
between you and Nothing.
Question about loving
This could only be nothing.
I could force, and push, and fight
I could make-believe it's right
But as I lay alone At night
I realize
I am nothing. . .
But I am your nothing.

(August, 2007)

"Yours in every way."

I can feel you.
I can hear you.
You're driving me insane
I can sit here and try to ignore you
But your heart-beat's on my brain.
This is all I have to offer
Don't take it in vane.
So I'll give you everything
I'll steal away your pain
My Love Is Yours In Every Way.

(November 1, 2007)

"Dope"

Silence caught you on a rope
You were so high on dope
You tried to see who held you there...
Tried to see-strained to stare.
I kept my hands on
your shoulders and held you close--
-'till you were sober.
I kissed your forehead, you nearly jumped.
I held your head up
while you slumped.

(October, 2007)

"cold and dead"

I took a photo in my mind
of every step you left behind
and every word you ever said
to take it all away
-to fake it instead-
I take a step back
from the damage that
can't be repaired.
Can't rest to stare.
So build it all up
Just to burn it down.
Dig it all away
Just to put it back in the ground
And noise-proof the room
Just so you can hear the sounds.
You took this image, put it behind your head
And in the back of your mind,
my figure rests,
Cold
and Dead.

(October 2007)

"New Release"

Tear off my mouth
and pull my veins apart.
Your stare is digging deeper and
Its ripping out my heart.
I hold my self pinned here so
it doesn't get too extreme
But I'm so out when I'm around you,
It makes me want to scream.
The heat is petrifying and the flames inside are rising
So leave a thousand marks on my skin
Line them up. I'll soak you in.
tear out my heart.
pull me apart.
Piece by Piece
A New Release.

11/7/07