MINE.

10/26/2010

2012-01-13T21:52:00.003-06:00

"Bones of a Past Life"

We are
starving souls
proud of our bones.
Perfection is measured
in inches and pounds.
Nobody understands why we choose to be drowned
in our solitude and sorrow. . .
Anger, Defeat,
O. C. P.
Ana is our only friend.
She tells us that we must be thin.
Resembling the face of sin,
she tells us we can always win.
She says the secret to success,
-Eternal Happiness-
is counting, pinching, passing out.
Hiding from the world,
we are skeletal, suffering girls.

10/13/2009

2012-01-13T21:48:00.002-06:00

Dip your toes into the sand
only to put your full weight down--
only to find you're sinking and
only you can help yourself now.
Reach your hands into the air
only to bring finger tips to oxygen--
only to realize no one else is there
and to find yourself sinking deeply again.
The sun has found the back of your neck
as you're knee deep in this mess. . .
Your arrogance has left you
a wreck
as you fade to
nothingness.

3. September 2011

2011-09-03T13:31:00.002-05:00

I'm in a mood for words. . .
My adjectives, your verbs.
Walk slowly, for time consumes quickly. . .
and when I'm not with you, I am simply sickly.
We turn
and
twist
and
Match each other.
Mix together until
there is no space between
one another.
Everything you do
makes me feel new.

Our electric connection
produces a
spark
and will burn to create
the most wonderful
art.

30.June.2011

2011-06-30T17:33:00.002-05:00

Hey there, Hi.
I've got plenty of free time.
If you'd want to waste it with me, well, I wouldn't mind.
Hey you, I
think it's about time we met.
'Cause I'm known for either being alone, or in over my head.
And I'm tired of sitting in the shallow end, when I just want to dive
I'm tired of being dead, when I just want to be alive.
So if you would simply cross my path and tell me who you are...
Give me a hint, a name, or something and I'll wish upon a star.

20. May 2011

2011-05-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

As someone I trusted, I handed you the knife.

Marked myself for each incision.

Spilled my guts willingly

to you.

I wish I could dissect your mind,

-Give you back the pieces of your heart that are left behind

sticking on my skin like parasites,

eating away my shell

and reminding me of that night.

How warm it would have been

to wake up next to you.

To pass the day by the way that lovers do…

But it ends, all in the same.

More of a massacre than Love Games.

Covered in blood, we lay in the dirt.

Wipe our hands clean on each others’ shirts.

This doesn’t change a thing, I swear.

We’ll piece each other back together in strips…

Once I can get your taste off of my lips.

… …

You are . . .

2011-05-07T10:16:00.002-05:00

Someone who appreciates me
for a side that nobody else ever sees.
Who makes me smile when noone else can;
Who makes me feel like the girl I secretly am.

Someone who can make me better when I'm feeling low.
Someone who will listen when I need it most.
Someone who will hold me tight
and, please, don't let go.

I think it's amazing when you
make fun of me,
and try to make me laugh
and tell me that I'm pretty.
And I love how you say the things you say
and the way you touch my hair.
And I like that when I'm with you,
I feel like we're the only ones there.

7. May 2011

30. April 2011.

2011-04-30T12:47:00.004-05:00

Sensational
is the descriptive word that launched itself across my mind
when we walked out of the room.
I wish I could section off your brain.
The feelings I'm warming up to are
completely insane.
I just want to know if we feel the same. . .?
And when you're trying to fall asleep
late at night,
Do you think of us and how it feels just right?
I hope I'm not wrong.
'Cause, when I'm alone I think too much
and that's what I concentrate on.

25. April 2011

2011-04-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

I need everybody;

I want nobody.

Pressure builds and I . . . push it away.

I'll get over it some day.

Pull myself out.

Fire all about.

My ashes won't ever be spread.

My spirit will never be

left for dead.

. . .

Will I become self-absorbed instead?

. . .

I find myself lost in the eyes that I see.

This girl in the mirror cannot lie,

for she's the only one who truly knows me.

12. April 2011

2011-04-12T20:04:00.003-05:00

I can whisper in my own ear
secrets I won't let anyone hear.
Problems I have,
But don't want you to know
because I fear they would
turn you away.
Sometimes I feel helpless; alone.
Reckless and Restless.
Never at home.
I long for touch, escape,
any way to communicate.
I'm a sucker for kind expressions.
I don't fall often, but when I do, it leaves impressions.
I express myself in awkward ways
on my better days.

4.5.11.

2011-04-07T14:23:00.004-05:00

Good Morning, Beautiful.

The phrase is rather foreign.

I think I like your pronouns,

so keep them pouring.

You make me feel certain

the feeling's worth exploring.

I'm not one to jump, so push me off the edge.

Feeling. . .

Thump, thump, thump.

Blood Rush in my head.

To begin anew. . .

Is knowing you.

28 March. 2011

2011-04-01T18:37:00.003-05:00

Waking, Walking.
Aimless but entirely certain
that everything is right.
Take my hand,
Help me stand.
I'll make it through the night.
I'm coming home
So Be there
When I dive and delve through the unknown.
I'm renewing highs
Breaking ties
Mending back the ropes
and giving in to new hopes.
So be my light
To stand and fight
As I dive and delve through the unknown.

20. February 2011

2011-02-20T18:34:00.002-06:00

You bathe in your own pain and sorrow.
You constantly dread tomorrow.
You feel as though the world is against you.
Just waiting for the sky to fall through.
Pessimistic and Unstable.
Imbalanced and Unable
to understand the good intentions-
To analyze and see in three dimensions.
You wait for apologies from those
not guilty.
Your moods are confusing-- Your contemplations, empty.

You won't look up.
Won't look for yourself...
You're beautiful, and you hide.
You won't let others see inside.
You're hard to read, confusing to be.
I think you're in love with me.

20th February. 2011

2010-12-05T21:49:00.001-06:00

Maybe we had time

to finish the unfinished.

We left a messy scene. Nobody seemed to notice.

Wiping the blood from my hands.

You have no reason to be scared. I’ll hold you, we will be okay.

We’ll pretend it was any ordinary day.

They say there’s no such thing as a perfect crime.

But I beg to differ this time.

We dumped the body off

In 3 deep feet of mud.

We covered it with leaves

We did not hide the blood.

And when sirens start to sound, We’ll disappear and not be found.

Running from the law,

Running from their hounds.

We have no place here anyway, come, let’s go now.

We have no time to stay

There’s No reason anyhow.

Partners in crime, and murderous ones at that.

We disappear into the night, wings spread wide like bats.

12/5/10

10 September 2010

2010-09-10T17:12:00.002-05:00

Sickly Spinning.
Peeling out of my skin.
The comfort it had long provided
was wearing thin.
We have this mutual
Expression of Amazement
Feeling of being lost
With no direction to turn.
Uncertainly insane
I start to feel deranged. . .
What else am I missing
when we are kissing?

I want to love you, but I feel like the "glue". . .
All of your problems stick to me
After they bounce off of you.

I feel like I should know you better by now,
But it blows my mind
Every time.
Every time you do the same things,
I'm left feeling like
I'm the only addiction
that would be easy for you
To
Break. . .

26 July 2010

2010-07-27T09:58:00.003-05:00

Products of a Monster; We don't know who we are. . .
We are
Walking skeletons that no one sees
-Everyone notices-
Overworked slaves that no one feeds
-We are not hungry-
We are
Murder victims undetected.
Gaping wounds completely infected.
-No alcohol applied-
We walk
Ourselves through hell deliberately.
-We have no personality-
We get what we deserve
-Never any better-
Suicide through Mental Words.
A voice inside tells Right and Wrong.

The monster consumes us until we are gone.
We walk together.
-Stand alone-
We have no place to call home.
We hurt- We heal-
We cannot feel.
Always good, but not good enough.
Our lack of sensation makes us

"Tough".

19 June, 2010

2010-06-19T08:24:00.002-05:00

Memories I keep
buried in the dirt.
Hidden under leaves
to keep away the hurt.
Every time I leave,
Something goes wrong.
The leaves blow around
and reveal their hidden song.

Unstable and Uncomfortable
-Stepping on your toes-
Trying to act quietly,
but then the wind blows.
It blows you off your feet and
it absorbs the blame.
Unstable and Uncomfortable
Forever untamed.

These thoughts that echo in
the chambers of your mind-
They hurt you subliminally--
A movie that you cannot rewind.
Stability is impossible-seeming.
Finding the truth is harder.
Shivering uncomfortably
You will fall within yourself
as the world falls down around you.

Your loved ones cry and
you don't realize
how you're hurting more than yourself.
The cycle continues.

Unstable and Uncomfortable
I bury these thoughts within.
They swirl under the dirt
Colors changing
Colors changing
My only addiction is
My very best friend.

"J."

2010-06-06T16:35:00.002-05:00

A million miles is
a trillion footsteps is
a division;
Schism
Between friends.
Between
Penguins in
Hot, Hot Deserts
Together until the very end.
I have a friend
That nothing can replace.
Even when the distance came
to keep us away ,
We held tight wing to wing
and still stand strong today.

6/5/10

4/21/10

2010-04-29T20:30:00.002-05:00

Can you hear that?
You know the sound.
You can't put a finger on it, but you're
looking around. . .
For the source of the force
that can never be found
'Cause it's inside of me-
getting stronger with the beat coming from the underground.
It's a monster that's inside
Escaped from the confines
of my mind
Getting stronger every time I write.

Poet with powerful light
Pen that's full of fight
And paper with razor-sharp teeth, ready to bite.

I stomp the earth with the force of a dinosaur
Scaring fear into a hole with the powerful
ROAR!
When I write, trees collapse under incredible earthquakes
and fucking tornadoes cry and shake
with the feeling of terror, and I put everyone in danger
Until I've got to
STOP
'cause I'm running out of paper.

3/11/10

2010-04-08T11:01:00.002-05:00

She's sitting on your brain,
but you can't remember her.
She's on the tip of your tongue,
But you can't taste Her.
She's belonged to everybody-- been on everybody's mind;
But all she ever thought was,
"I wish you were mine."
You never noticed her-
-In the back-
-In all black.-
She was far too different from you
You couldn't feel her fingers on your back
But she felt you-
Thought about you all the time.

1/9/10

2010-01-09T16:56:00.002-06:00

Complete disregard for the people around me.
Chop them up into a pile; let their blood surround me.
because I have no desire
and I feel no need
To feel any form of sympathy.

I clench my fists and I bite my lips
'Cause I know exactly what's on your mind.
You're not laughing long before you're out on the lawn
and I've already snapped your spine.

Easy process- sneak up from behind
Adrenaline pumps, I feel out of my mind.
Been there, done that,
Time for something new. . .
Instead of you laughing at me,
I'll be the one laughing at you.
Take you out
with a few simple *booms*.
Double tap that, making sure you don't move.
Cut up the body, so they can't find you.

Throw it in the river
all wrapped up in a bag.
I'm sick of all of you-
Keep making me mad.

1/9/10

Michael the Mannequin.

2009-06-20T17:29:00.000-05:00

August 4th, 2007

Filthy little wooden man
makes his way across the table
hopes he'll find himself in glory
Withering from what was stable.

Falling just from what he thought
would bring him a second chance
Wouldn't you play the part--
of a filthy little wooden man?

Every human Plays the part-
a roped up, filthy wooden man.
Puppets on strings
Hollow, Hollow things.
Give us meaning--
Fucking wings.

Won't you let us have a message
Something beyond what's been said
Won't you free us from our mannequin prisons?
something more to rest our heads

Bloodstained little wooden man
Crawling up the candle stick
Filthy fucking wooden man
Burns his body on the wick.

Won't you tell us what we're missing?
Wouldn't you if you were here?
Give us more to leave behind--
Wooden ashes are only mere.

Randy's birthday poem.

2009-06-15T11:12:00.002-05:00

5/4/09

The spell continues to intensify.
Each Day I find myself trapped inside,
and I love it.
I open up my arms; Each hug is a new adventure.
Open up the doors; Making way for you to enter.
Kisses become fire-
Lighting candles to take us higher.
I have yet to see a brighter light.
With no one else do I feel right.

Kroger-Bound

2009-06-15T11:07:00.001-05:00

May 13, 2009

I am left with
open hands,
empty mind, and
colorful pants.
No, I am not depressed,
No I am not standing in the rain
feeling oppressed.
I am stuck
Standing here
In Kroger. . .
With Writers' block.
I am stuck, standing upside down,
Falling upward
and falling apart.
I refuse to write a stupid poem
about a teenager's broken heart.
So here I was, Kroger bound, when it began to rain.
So I whipped out my little red tricycle
and continued on my way.

11/18/08

2008-11-19T20:51:00.003-06:00

No! Don't move it!
It feels good right there.
I like where you hung my face on your wall.

No! Don't leave!
Just stay right here.
I like how you're always right down the hall.

Don't move your hand.
Just lock it in place, It's fine.
I like how you hold me and
say "you're mine".

I Love how you drape my hair over your shoulder...
Like a warm winter sweater.
I love how you say I'm on crack when I scream
for no damn reason, it always seems.
Like melty sorbet
on a summer day,
Loving you could be no Sweeter.
11/18/08

10/20/08

2008-10-30T21:46:00.002-05:00

I can't breathe unless it's
your air.
Spaced out and blind until you're
right there.
I am hollow; a haven to your despair.
Fill me up then empty me again.
I'll find the purpose as I
travel, twist across your skin.
Are you open yet?
Let me in.

Take me home.
Find a feeling for my tired soul.
You are all I have and
I am growing cold.
Tired eyes, Tired arms
searching for someone to hold.
My love for you
Can only grow.

Writers' Block Ice-Breaker.

2008-09-30T20:56:00.003-05:00

BREAK MY WRITER'S BLOCK.
9/30/08

Left with no description for this holy inconvenience
I find myself swimming in the metaphors of my head.
Feeling so fake
as I find my self turning.
Feeling oblivious
as I find you yearning.
Naked and weak
and petrified,
meek.
I find your body shaking in my arms.

Turning my eyes inside out,
Experiencing you this way for the first time,
You and I are one in the same
You and I are one combined.

This backwards connection has
opened my soul.
Somehow feeding on you
has made me whole.

Your malnutritioned mass
finds some impossible way
to slide through my veins,
to become another half.

Reside Eternally
Rest Eternally
Reside Eternally
Inside of me
Impossibly...
Impossibly...

8/17/08

2008-08-23T16:58:00.002-05:00

Brought together by Unlikely chance
Parasites that feed off Romance
Feed on me until I'm dry...

So real, its Unreal
So real its unreal
So real its unreal.

As your seeds sprout in my mind
and our screaming hearts combine
We become scars on each others' backs.
We become light in otherwise black.

So real, its Unreal
So real its unreal
so real its unreal...

My fingers trace your spine
they trace the salt, the skin left behind
I exit my body to become
Part of you.
Love me.
Love me.
I love you
I love you
I love you.........
Too.

"Combined."

2008-08-07T23:06:00.003-05:00

Cold as Ice
and
I've been here before.
I need reassurance . . .
tell me I'm no bore.
I know you'll never be mad if I call you again
I just feel like I'm a leech feeding from your skin

I only hope you don't feel the same
but Things that go around your mind
sometimes wander untamed...
And I see now that chance exists.
I see now that there is always an exit.
I realize that I am scared
And I hope that its only a silly fear
For I only want to spend forever with you, dear.

I'm terrified of chance and
I'm terrified of change.
I'm terrified of finding out how people are deranged.
And I hope that we can make it real,
forever exists in our minds...
I hope that we can link hands eternally
and melt together 'till we've combined.

LG

2008-06-14T23:33:00.003-05:00

We wove the clouds together with our silly kind minds.
And it seems I never entirely noticed, but without you,
I feel as if I've gone blind.
This is no plea, or begging prose,
Simply a way for me to unravel my thoughts of our friendships' ghost.
I'm sure you still ask about me
subconsciously, you ask your loved ones, I'm sure.
Pondering a plight you doubted I could endure.
You dropped me off the edge of your cold yet giving earth,
watched me spiraling downward into a hell I too thought would break my heart
beyond repair.
Now I look back on our old friendly photos.
Taking in the cold steam of heartlessness...
of forgetting...
Taking in the black smoke of betrayal...
and letting all this vapor filter through my mind.
I wish I could take back anything I did wrong.
But I wish I wouldn't have said anything at all
I want you to still remember me in the dark small of your thoughts.
I want to be still thought of as your first best friend.
I want to be loved in the back of your mind...
But I no longer wish to still be part of your life.
6/14/08

Unfinished...?

2008-04-30T20:20:00.006-05:00

It's 7 AM on a Sunday morning.
You look up at the chipping ceiling waiting, as usual, for your alarm clock to go off.
You should be able to sleep until 9...
You should be able to get more than 2 hours of sleep a night.
The world can see the aging in your face...
You're only 23 but you feel like you're forty.
You roll out of bed at 7:30 and decide not to wait for the alarm to go off.
You get up and stand. Upon walking to the kitchen to pop your morning pills... you notice a small hole in the wall...
Down on your knees, you crawl across the hallway to look through your apartment wall...
OH YOUR GOD...
You begin to wonder if you are just suffering from having not taken your pills today, because through this hole you witness the oddest thing you've ever seen in your odd life.
ALIENS. Varying in colors from green to hot pink, dressed in aluminum and holding captive people and animals. You see Hamsters, Children, Hamster-children, Old people (older than yourself) and fetuses, appearing to have been aborted from several different mothers.
This was crazy to you, and you're a pretty crazy motherfucker....

You turn back to your kitchen, suffocating the urge to look back. Slumped down against the wall, you lean forward and grab your brick-like phone from the receiver on the floor. You begin to dial the number that would connect you to the apartment on the other side of you-- the side that wasn't alien-infested.
Your neighbor, Lisa Bart, picks up the phone and you begin babbling to her nonsensically about the riot you just witnessed on the other side of your apartment. She spoke back, her beautiful voice ringing in your ears, sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher. She told you of how crazy she thought you were. She didn't believe you. . .
Next second you could make out, all was silent but a dial tone. She'd hung up on you. Somehow, her detest for your insane asylum-worthy stories that you constantly called to tell her of drove you wild. Lisa was, you'd known ever since you'd moved in, the love of your life. You could never share your stories with anybody else. No matter how much she would hate you, you could only love her more. You could only think that some where, some how, far deep within the depths of her mind, she loved you too.
But you understood that she would never express it.
All of this did not matter now though. You needed to take your pills and look back through that whiffle ball sized hole to see if you really were losing it again.
You were so convinced it was all real though.
Crawling about 6 feet to the kitchen, you get off your hands and knees and proceed to take your pills. Mood stabilizers, happy pills, vitamins, pain killers and anything you could get your hands on. They all kept you sane. Ten minutes later, after the pills had started taking effect, you decide to get off your ass and go see if the commotion was real. You could definitely still hear the lasers and blasts, and "moo"s and squeaks, and screams and cries still ringing in your ears.
Maybe that was all fake too. You had to check. Picking up a cigarette and reluctantly lighting it, you breathe in the sweet aroma that has been a comfort to you for the past 12 years of your life. You slowly walk toward the hole, hoping not to be noticed by the extra-terrestrials on the other side. Crouching back down, you peer back through the hole. You were definitely NOT out of your mind! You felt like celebrating and dancing and getting really really drunk. Instead, though, you slumped back down against that wall, listening to the war of abduction slowing down a bit.
Puffing on your cigarette, you wonder how and if you can put an end to this madness. . .

Lost hold.

2008-04-20T07:14:00.003-05:00

My eyelids can't hold what's been
building up inside.
I'm using every last piece of shit in this room
to burn away the truth I hide.
I'm sorry that you think I lied
I'm sorry that your hold
let go the line. . .
I'm afraid I can't be anymore than a person
But you don't understand that on the inside I'm hurting.

And right now Its all blurring
back to when we were best friends
Back to now when it ends
And it will never be the same again.

Goodbye best friend.

2008-04-20T07:08:00.003-05:00

I remember sitting outside,
We watched the sky go by,
and we'd talk about the time that you had made me cry
cause
You were afraid that guys would hurt me
That they'd use me and desert me
And our friendship grew strong
But now Its all gone.
Days spent at walmart
Afternoons by the pool.

Now I guess I'm nothing , huh?
Just some body you'd decide
to call a fool
Who's shit you cant deal with
But you can't even take your own

And I told you to come home
or to call me on the phone
But your girl thinks I'm a ho,
and you decided to go.
So I guess this is good bye,
Cause you've got enough selfish
nerve to say
I guess I'll never call you again
Not even to say
Hey.

"Twenty-four/Seven"

2008-03-04T20:15:00.004-06:00

I take a second to find out what's missing...
Wishing It was You that I'm kissing
Instead of silence that catches the air
instead of you hugging me, I have my hair.
I'm gaining weight
trying to lose it back
trying to shovel and pick and bleed away
every little thing I lack...

Her perfect body
His perfect eyes
Her perfect hair
Her perfect lies
Small waist and muscular thighs.
I'll keep my smile alive in my mind...

You're the only time
I ever feel right
Like I want to be called attractive again
You're the only time
I ever feel good
Like I belong, belong in this over-sized skin
And I'm not Trapped in a state of mind
where my bones are too big,
when I'm around you, I feel like I should.

And I never want to leave your side,
to eat
nor sleep
nor in someone else abide.
nor weep
nor be weak
and in your chest, my heart lies.

I'm taking in my corner surroundings,
no you, no light, nothing good, nothing bright
and I'm not opening my eyes,
I take not my body from these ties.
As again I take in a soft breath of air
I still wish you were always here to hug me
instead of being surrounded by myself and my hair.
3/4/08

You've been gone.

2008-02-20T19:46:00.000-06:00

February 16, 2008 - Saturday

I just found
those pictures of you
and tears well up in my eyes.
I'll sit and wait for it all to go away
As I've tried to do so many times
and I still miss you even though you're not even here
And I still miss you
simply cause of those times I hold dear.

But I won't stay
I'll run away
Untill your shaddow forever fades.

I won't say
why or who
hurt me so badly that day.

The future won't know why I linger in the past
the past won't know my future
the present will simply divide them both

Divide until
you're gone.

You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.

So why, then, won't you leave?

"How would you put it...?"

2008-02-07T19:37:00.000-06:00

How can you fear
in a world where you don't feel here?
How could you assume
that you're able to hold things dear?
Would you ever think it possible
to dance 'round open flame?
To dance 'round open flame...
when the flames are never enough tame
the flames always want to consume you...
and that's what I love.

How would you put it,
this obsession with obsessing?

How could you blindly believe and
hope you're correct?
how could you smile and say you're doing alright,
when the flames continue to dissect...?

I will stand and watch the fire take you in
just to make sure that nothing is left of you
I will stand and watch you burn to death. . .
just to make sure that there is nothing left.
there's nothing left
there's nothing left

do you understand me now?
how would you put it....?

2/7/08

'Piece of shit'

2008-02-06T19:09:00.001-06:00

Don't talk to me like I'm your
piece of shit.
Don't tell me how I live is wrong
And don't you fuckin' say
that my friends are out of age.
Don't you fucking say that, Just cause you can.
Cause you're a fucking bitch in the way
that you down talk me
shit talk, love.
Bitch, Walk, *SHOVE*

Shut up you stupid whore!
I don't want you here anymore!
Stop talking to me like I'm
Your piece of Shit. . .

I tried hard to be your daughter
I tried hard to be your "ANGEL"
Tried hard to keep a Mom,
But Now It's
All Gone...

thanks.

"Home."

2008-01-29T21:15:00.001-06:00

I am sitting
in your wake.
I am singing
For your Sake.
Give me a reason
as to why I'm here. . .

Give me a song to
sooth my weary ears...................

I will need you
for a while.
I will see you (here).

(I will need to
cut the wire
I will see you go down
In my fire...)

I could never
Hide the dark...
Sitting here and this
fire is growing.

And its Hell's time now...
I'm going.
I'm going-
I'm going-

. . . Home.

this is a happy one

2008-01-21T18:14:00.000-06:00

Its not often I
can write happy things.
I don't often say I love me.
It's been a while since
I've been so happy I cried
Its been a while since
I've been loved for me.
15 years not knowing how it feels
to love and be in love as well
I've been through
7 god damned levels of hell.
My life's never been the greatest,
but I'm not complaining
because now
I can sleep at night
Now I can feel alive
Now I can be alright.
I can say I love me
I can write a happy story.

It's all because You've brightened me

You help me sleep at night
You make me feel alive.
You make me feel alright...
And best of all
you love me...
Randy.

"Brand New"

2008-01-17T11:17:00.000-06:00

Every thing's the same
But it all feels brand new
I don't ever want (You) to leave
I'm so in love with you. . .
I like it here,
I like this place
Let's stay a while
I like your style.
Hold my hand.
You make me smile.
They can try to make me sad
But nothing ever hurts as bad
when ever you're around.

Just one look makes it better
Just one smile.
make me shiver.
Make me feel brand new,
I'm so in Love with You.

(September 18, 2007)

"Nothing more (than nothing)"

2008-01-17T11:13:00.000-06:00

Lay and watch the clouds roll by
Day dreams hold me to the sky.
I keep wishing you could be mine.
I keep hoping stupid lies.
Keep on hoping you'll be there when I cry.
Walking the streets without any aim
thinking, maybe, you'll join in my game.
But I feel like this will end the same.
Every step I take--reminds me of you.
You walk like you need nobody,
It makes it so much better
Back and forth I tether . . .
between you and Nothing.
Question about loving
This could only be nothing.
I could force, and push, and fight
I could make-believe it's right
But as I lay alone At night
I realize
I am nothing. . .
But I am your nothing.

(August, 2007)

"Yours in every way."

2008-01-17T11:09:00.000-06:00

I can feel you.
I can hear you.
You're driving me insane
I can sit here and try to ignore you
But your heart-beat's on my brain.
This is all I have to offer
Don't take it in vane.
So I'll give you everything
I'll steal away your pain
My Love Is Yours In Every Way.

(November 1, 2007)

"Dope"

2008-01-17T11:06:00.000-06:00

Silence caught you on a rope
You were so high on dope
You tried to see who held you there...
Tried to see-strained to stare.
I kept my hands on
your shoulders and held you close--
-'till you were sober.
I kissed your forehead, you nearly jumped.
I held your head up
while you slumped.

(October, 2007)

"cold and dead"

2008-01-17T11:03:00.001-06:00

I took a photo in my mind
of every step you left behind
and every word you ever said
to take it all away
-to fake it instead-
I take a step back
from the damage that
can't be repaired.
Can't rest to stare.
So build it all up
Just to burn it down.
Dig it all away
Just to put it back in the ground
And noise-proof the room
Just so you can hear the sounds.
You took this image, put it behind your head
And in the back of your mind,
my figure rests,
Cold
and Dead.

(October 2007)

"New Release"

2008-01-17T10:47:00.001-06:00

Tear off my mouth
and pull my veins apart.
Your stare is digging deeper and
Its ripping out my heart.
I hold my self pinned here so
it doesn't get too extreme
But I'm so out when I'm around you,
It makes me want to scream.
The heat is petrifying and the flames inside are rising
So leave a thousand marks on my skin
Line them up. I'll soak you in.
tear out my heart.
pull me apart.
Piece by Piece
A New Release.

11/7/07

"So Close"

2008-01-17T10:45:00.000-06:00

We were so close I could
feel your heart beating.
With your hands all around me
I never saw you leaving.
I put my head back
on your chest.
I thought,
"you and me, Fuck the rest"
You kissed my nose and I went to sleep.
It was only of you I dreamed
I woke up to your stupid smile,
Asked how long I'd been asleep;
You said "a while".
You hugged me, It was around 10.
Held my hands, We danced in the den.
We were so Close
I was so happy.

11/15/07

"Mend"

2008-01-17T10:41:00.000-06:00

I swear I couldn't love you any more than I
Thought I did.
I fell for all your bullshit
over and over again.
Being such a jerk-off
only attracted me more.
But this is it, I hope you're happy
cause I'm no longer your bore.
You're missing so much, I'll let you know.
Would have given you everything,
but you had to let go.
Since now You've got what you want,
I'm over it, I'll forgive you.
Moving on hurts worst
All this pressure could make my heart burst
I'll be OK in the end
where once we're cool,
My heart will mend.

11/15/07

"This wasn't written to be Finished."

2008-01-17T10:38:00.000-06:00

Just accept it for what it is
Time can heal; I'll get over this.
And bliss isn't all that comes from Ignorance--
You'll get crushed by just what
you thought was right.
I could swear it wasn't wrong when I
thought about you all night.
I guess it was all a Lie.
A fib that I could hide
And Keep it all inside.
Pretend you'd stay by my side.
You let go of what you love-
-To love is to let go-
Truth be told that I might be
Stronger than you know...
But please don't come back to me
Please don't ever say you're sorry.
This wasn't Written To Be Finished.
. . .

(November 2007)

"...Fuck?"

2008-01-17T10:35:00.000-06:00

Dirty Fucking-Cells
all over your hands.
Love the way it smells,
But feel nothing here.
Bend back break another bone
Just to make sure that you're close to HOME.
That won't mean anything, just like how
it feels.
Don't care, Doesn't matter,
It's love for the feeling--
Its not fucking real.
So fuck again-- 'till you get
something out of it
Only until you have what you need.
Its only natural
Cause You Need To
Breathe.

11/26/07

You Learn Nothing from Witnessing a Car Wreck.

2008-01-14T19:38:00.000-06:00

A Short Brainstorming Story.

You Grab your pack of Cigarettes off of the bed side table and light your morning smoke. Put on your coat as you step out the door, puffing away. As you walk down the sidewalk you see some little kids playing tag in the road. You stop and lean against a street light to watch them as they tumble and trip. You look away for just a split second as to put out your cigarette butt, and you hear a screech and then silence. You look back to your former subject (the children) to see that there is a stopped car, door ajar, and the greasy remains of a former kid in the road. You begin to laugh hysterically as the man who was in driving the car cradles the 3 1/2 foot tall dead body in his hands, crying. You look away and with a smile on your face, keep walking to where ever the hell you are going.

Today will be a good day.

1/13/07

"Toy."

2008-01-12T17:27:00.001-06:00

Face White
Hands red,
I look up to you to see what you say
I did all this for you,
Would you
still make me pay?
Damn my eyes, this sight I see
Another day
of you abusing me.

Push me down, I am your toy
Kill me now, I'd do anything for this boy.
Isn't this what It's supposed to be?
From what I can tell, He Loves me.
Surface from my knees,
He's not satisfied
As he pushes me back down,
I begin to cry.
What kind of wimp am I?
To love and to be loved, this is how it is.
As long as I can show that, I can stay as his.

I will be your toy
as long as you will stay my boy
I will do anything for you
as long as I can hear "I Love You"
Not for who I am, not for how I speak
just for what I do.
But I will stay with you.

1/12/07

"Breathe For Me."

2008-01-09T20:35:00.000-06:00

Breathe for me
Take it back in please...
The steam I'm blowing out,
Please breathe it back so Its not just hanging in the empty air.
Give me back to me.
No, Take me away from me.
Tie me back please...
I'm driving myself insane
I'm driving them all away.
Please take my breath
take the breath I'm blowing out
Take it in deep
to the bottom of your lungs.
I am why you're dying.
I am simply a deadly drug.

1/7/08

Gather Around. . .

2008-01-09T20:33:00.003-06:00

January 1, 2008 - Tuesday

Gather around and if you will, imagine this. . .
. . .
You roll off your uncovered mattress placed in the middle of your room on the 5th story of your cheap-ass apartment complex. You open your eyes to a giant flower, a flower bigger than your body, a flower even bigger than your cheap-ass apartment complex, having broken through your ceiling and your walls letting in what little light this polluted fucking city had to bear. You think "Nothing like a normal Wednesday morning in this town. . .", and bid the fanged menacing flower a good morning. You then proceed to the kitchen area of your one-room apartment to scrape yourself up some food. Maybe if you get lucky, you'll muster some orange juice from that 6 month old dried-up plastic container. After your molded orange juice, you continue your morning routine: Try to kill that roach again, pop a few pills, pray that those were the right ones, put on your robe over your underwear, cover your feet with some bunny slippers and eat a twix bar that you bought a week ago from some vendor machine. Now you stroll to work in your bath robe. Every day is the same and you'd never think great shit would happen to you, would you?
You're wrong, buddy, today's your lucky day. As you're strolling down the street and some hobo gives you a hand shake you notice something great; you look up to see that the giant flower up next to your apartment is devouring your noisy neighbors. This has brightened your life a whole bunch. You continue skipping to Posey's Dry-Cleaners, where you work for $3 an hour, with a smile on your face. Hell, even your fuzzy bunny slippers have smiles cause you've got a good feeling in your gut about the day to come.
So, we'll continue your story with the noon alien invasion. Nothing too odd, just the fact that the aliens use missiles this time. "Hm, something new...", you mumble to yourself as you iron holes in somebody's striped sweater.
An hour later you throw the iron across the room. You watch as it shatters the glass and flies toward somebody's car.
But none of this shit matters. You've had an awakening... God is calling you!
You swear? "I swear!"
"GOD IS CALLING ME!", you scream as you jump through the hole you previously created in the glass. You run down the street throwing off your robe and slippers as you repeat your news to the world. "GOD IS CALLING ME, I AM GOING TO HEAVEN!!!"
You climb the closest high building, screech your message one more time through your smoker's cough...
and then jump. You throw your arms in the air and jump from that building, flipping in circles on the way down.
Once again you roll over with something in your face. This time, though, the Gates of Heaven are awaiting you. Golden trumpets sound as your make your naked way to the Gates. You stand, dumbstruck at the entrance to Heaven. The Gates remain closed. . .
"What's going on? Why can't I get in?", you cry to the welcoming air around you. You hear a voice. . . a huge deep voice talking to you.
He says "I am God. You cannot enter my palace."
You are baffled as you muster your pathetic reply, "I. . .I. . . uh. . . Why?".
God then says to you, "I cannot let you in. . . because you swore, you dip shit."

...

"Lit"

2008-01-09T20:33:00.002-06:00

January 7, 2008 - Monday.

I'm as high as Heaven right now

burning from the bottom up.
You've got me tied up, lit my fuse some how
And I feel hot as Hell.
(And) I fell down.
Hole of holy endings
With hope of never getting back up
I am High as Heaven
I am Hot as Hell.
What exactly you do to me,
I can't tell.

Brain Storming.

2008-01-09T20:32:00.001-06:00

December 29, 2007 - Saturday

I'm so sick
Nothing makes me better,
Nothing Cures me.
I'm losing sight
I'm giving in Might.
My head feels really light.

I can't stand the fact that I still think about it
I can't understand why I still feel you
Its been so long
It was so wrong
Everything we did was Wrong!
So why can't I stop thinking about you?
I need to let go.
I need you to go.
Since I've heard your name again. . .
I've sunken back so low.

I tear past the border wall that's supposed to be between us
I rip past the borderline between love and lust.
It still shocks me so, No matter how much I've been in the dust.
The heaviness doesn't ever stop
I can, I can't, I Won't, I must
Its something one can't control,
It makes you feel more alive
and Its this very thing
On which I've come to thrive
No, This isn't true,
This isn't right!
I'm having a night mare,One that I can't fight
I give in, you put me there
I gave in, you let me go there
I can't wake up, I toss and turn
it can't be right, but for this I yearn
I can feel some sort of love, can't I?
Maybe this is love.

"Long Ride Home"

2008-01-09T20:31:00.000-06:00

December 22, 2007 - Saturday

You've been tugging at my insides
this entire night long.
Suck me right out of my neck,
but I can't Say It's wrong.
You show me death
And I gasp for breath
Hang on to my sanity. . .
It's a long ride home.
It's a long ride home.
Hear that scream, its priceless
Tug me harder, Kill me Faster
Peel me apart vein by vein
Keep me under,
Drown me, I'm Insane!
I'm insane!
I feel sick
But I'm okay.

"Even Harder"

2008-01-09T20:30:00.000-06:00

December 21, 2007 - Friday

			I took in the smoke and took some steps back I'm way better off now But I still feel wrong. Unfaithful, Lying, Bitch deserves to die. I'm gonna say I'm totally fine but That's a fuckin' lie. I'm sorry I have to fib to keep myself alive I'll keep myself alive in you but you'll die inside of me, I swear. . . Lock Me Up so I can't Breathe, Then Choke Me Even Harder, Please.

"We Remember"

2008-01-09T20:29:00.000-06:00

December 21, 2007 - Friday.

We Remember who you were
and Everything You Used to be.
Nobody's quite sure why you came here,
But I remember you were friends with me.

Remember how we used to act stupid?
And Life didn't really matter then.
Who was to know that Friends would fade
to what we thought was love
and then Wash away to a Sin...?
It breaks my heart to think
How fucking much you've changed.
It breaks my mind to feel
And feelings are deranged.

I realize, now, where you're taking your train
I realize that everything I gave you
wasn't all in vane.
I see now that it was your mistake
I've built myself a wall; and now its all okay.
I'm keeping closer lock on my heart,
So never again will it break.

"Just Like..."

2008-01-09T20:28:00.001-06:00

December 18, 2007 - Tuesday

Reality Just Like a Puppet's smile
You fake
Just to make
sure you'll get more than a mile.
Push, Fight, Pray, Beg
You think this is love?
It's fuck, instead!

He's never around, You're alone until bed
He shows up,
Gets what he wants...
Then shoots you in the head.

. . .

"My Own Black Sea"

2008-01-09T20:27:00.000-06:00

December 14, 2007 - Friday

I'm holding my breath;
I'm staying right here.
I'm waiting for a sign
that skies ahead are clear.
Ship's leaving the dock,
I'm scared to step off of this rock.
I'm afraid I might lose my catch
I'm terrified of what feelings will hatch.
I'm fucking sick of getting broken
So I'm tipping off my token (of love)
Into the freezing water,
And watching it drop even deeper.
As the shaddow fades, as you disappear
I hope that You'll come back and find me right here
I'll never wilt, I'll turn to stone
Waiting for the ship to return;
Wondering if You'll Ever Come Home.
. . .

Public Diary Entry Number 3.

2008-01-09T20:24:00.000-06:00

Public Diary Entry 3.

December 12, 2007 - Wednesday

I smell you in the air around me
fucking fog and stuff.

Gobble Bobble Kitty Cat
Kit Kat, Gimme a BREAK!
I'm tired of failing too.
I wish that grades wouldn't determine how much you fail at life;
Society is stupid.
It is IMPOSSIBLE for a human being to be "below standards"
or what ever the fuck they call it when your grades are in the 20's and
everybody around you has 90's and 100's.
Fucking Bullshitters, You don't need grades to tell you how good you are.
You can't screw up in life, You just don't wanna be in this damn school anymore, do you?
yeah, that's what I thought.
Everyone has their own picture as to what life is supposed to be like.
I think that you're successful in life if you have love and death.
that's all I need to survive.
To live, Find love, And die happy.
I want some art right now
I need a canvas so I can draw my little naked guy flying high!
I wrote a poem that goes with it;
"I just wanna fly
I just wanna be so high
Let me hold your hand
I want you by my side."

It's so cold and so quiet so give me another flower to rip apart.
I'll chew off my own veins just cause it sounds like fun! Just tie me down and tear them out of my muscles for me. You can watch!

Clippy Clappy Mooooooooooooooooooooo
Moo Moo Moo
I'm going crazzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

For Randy.

2008-01-09T20:23:00.000-06:00

(Written 12/10/07.)

Jump and Jump and
Thump and thump
My heart escapes its box.
Pull back the strings,
I drop all things and
with the key unlock
the door to such a prison...
And now I've gone completely missing.
Clumsy, my love
Clumsy as Hell.
Losing my mind. . .
Can't you tell?

"So Empty"

2008-01-09T20:22:00.000-06:00

(October-November, 2007?)

Making me feel so Empty
Driving me oh so crazy
Get all worked up,
and now you're hazy.

I sit around so empty
Get so lazy.
I'm walking around;
Upside down
and every thing's a blur.
Forget me not-- I'll be around
knocking door to door.
People talking shit at me
You're a fucking bore.
Purple trees and Yellow leaves
and Life's a fuckin' whore.
Selling out myself and its raping
every bit of me.
Keeping your stoned-head blood cells warm. . .
This is still
A fucking War.

"On the Other Side"

2008-01-09T20:16:00.000-06:00

I hope you choke on your fucking pipe

as your world crashes down around you.
Though I'm letting you go,
I'm letting you know that
I won't forget about you.
You made my world, and you killed it too,
But I could have someone
better than you.
I can find a Home-like place,
. . . It's easy if I try.

But baby, I'm not yours anymore
and I'm not gonna lie. . .
I think I'll be happier
In my new home.
God, I hope I don't fuck up,
Cause It's harder than you know.

So when you're still sitting here,
Empty bowl, smoke blown clear,
I'll be on the other side,
Laughing and
Having a good time.

(Written 12/3/07)

"Lavender"

2008-01-09T06:04:00.000-06:00

November 30, 2007 - Friday

The sun re-adjusted,
(and brought about) Lavender skies.
The girl lays in the field to see,
and rests her hazel eyes.
Beneath ruby poppies, she cries.
Her memories waltz
around in her mind.
She gets by. . . on force-fed lies.
Slumber would never come for her.
The rest she craved
was imaginary.
Her dreams float from her
-become a blur-
December kisses her amethyst eyelashes,
The colours swirl away--
To lead her to another night. . .
To bring about a Hopeful day.

I am NOT YOURS!

2008-01-09T06:03:00.001-06:00

I am not yours.

I don't care how many times you drug up
how many times you've fucked up.
I am not your fucking baby
I am not your "beautiful"
I never was.
now leave me alone!

I am not your beautiful baby
I am not your beautiful baby
I am not your beautiful
I am not yours
I never was.
I'm telling you now, I never was.
It was fake!
NOW LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE!!!

(11.26.07)

Public Diary Entry Number 2.

2008-01-09T06:02:00.000-06:00

November 25, 2007 - Sunday

public Diary Entry number 2

Public Diary Entry Number 2. Toasted Cheese sandwatches.

I hate how you ride your bicycle
no, I hate your bicycle.

Fuck you, I dont need you!
Or maybe I do.
maybe not inside of me, but atleast next to me.
Many think that everyone has one someone.
Only one "soul mate".
If that's true, then I think I've found mine,
but I've lost him too.
So I guess that's it? Ok.

6 more hours of homework, and the grades are gonna come up.
the 22 in Algebra isn't so bad, it's better than when it was a 12.
I just burned the inside of my mouth...
I want fire now.
I'm out of matches though. dammit not again.
I have 30 bucks sitting right infront of my face
scratch that; make it 32-- theres 8 quarters there too.
I like green tea, but its keeping me awake; 3 gallons a day might make you sick.

fwwwwwsssssssssssssssssshhhhhhvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv...
thats the constant sound of my fan, going around and around and around
I'm so cold sitting here in my fuzzy wuzzy pajamas.
I walk everyday and you might think i'm looking for something
but i'm really just looking for peace of mind.

Look ahead of me.
Look right now, look ahead of you too.
You're lost too, I'm sure.
I feel like I'm stuck in a spiral and i'm spiralling up,
riding it out. But trying to look out to see what's going to happen in my future.
I only see shit.
I see fucking shit, like what I am right now.
I have plenty of art to make and nothing to art for.

I'm done with my sammich.
I can't spell sandwich can I?
Sandwhich
Sandich
Sandwich
Sandmitch
Sandwitch.
Fuck it!

I'm really cold.
But I'm not turning my fan off cause then I won't be cold
Becaue Cold is to Happy as
White is to Sheep.
Get it?
Good.

I'm petting my dolly because Dolly is dolly.
I have this candle, and its shaped like a mushroom
and it's one of my favorite mushroom candles.
I like mushroom candles a lot.
I do.
I do.
I do-ooooo.

I miss you.
I miss you too.
and you.
Point, Point, Point.
Sniffle.

Good night.

"Final"

2008-01-09T06:01:00.000-06:00

I'm not everything anybody ever wanted,
but I'm fucking here.
All I want is someone who will wrap themselves around me;
somebody to hold dear.
Well, my dear
Well, its dear.

I've got this head sewn back on my neck
and I've dug myself out of this living heck.
But your piss is still rotting on my brain.
I'd rather hang myself on your noose
I'd keep myself dangling from Burning roofs
before I'd give myself back to you!

Why could I never get somebody?
I love like no one else.
I'd never think
about myself.
I'd give you the world before the last night,
When I'd take you out back. . .

Baby It'll be alright
hush now, no it won't.
baby you'll be alright.
Only after one more night
this night I'll take your cold hands,
I'll get your lifeless mouth on mine
before I pull the trigger, make this final kiss divine.

Baby you'll be alright,
hush, hush,
No, You won't.

(11.19.07)

’Hello There.’

2008-01-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

Written July 2007,

Tori Ahrens

Hello there; its been quite a while
Since I've seen your so familiar face.
Soft warm embers jump from your Embrace.
Maybe I'll see you again some time.
Maybe I'll hug you like I did that last
day.

Maybe we can be together; Maybe we can stay.
Love, love, love for you
burn, burn, burns right through
this shell I thought I'd be behind
forever more-
has been, from now, penetrated.
Injected with your spell
I never really got over you,
but You've somehow made
it Hell.

Written in June (no title)

2008-01-09T05:59:00.000-06:00

Written June 2007
-Tori Ahrens

Say this to me
(Don't say it again)
Play this game with me
(Never again)

*I thought I had you (right here in my hand).
I thought I knew you, I was wrong in the end.
Are you fuckin' dead?
You're fuckin' dead! You're fuckin' DEAD!*

Try this again
Maybe we'll get it right
Kiss me like in my daydreams
Never will they come true
but I can't forget about you.

*I thought I had you (right here in my hand)
I thought I knew you, I was wrong in the end.
Are you fuckin' dead?
You're fuckin' dead!
You're fucking DEAD!*

"I Hope You're Happy."

2008-01-09T05:58:00.002-06:00

I thought I missed you
I swore I did.
Behind every little hint, I hid.
I can't tell anybody that I'm over it
Cause a Lie is what got us both into this shit.
I can't look at you the same anymore
I can't believe you left me
for a fucking whore.
I can't pretend that You didn't hurt me.
I could play that it wasn't you I missed.
I swear to God I'm stronger than this
I prayed, I pushed, I forced, I did fight.
And everything I tried wasn't right.
I'm sorry I let you do so much to me
I'm sorry I ever
caught your disease.

But I hope you're happy where you're at.
I hope she makes you feel great
and all that.
She's coming over here
I don't care.
He's cumming all on her.
Doesn't matter
You've soiled my air.

I can't breathe your oxygen
you've poisoned me so.
I can't, can't, can't. . .
Just can't go.

(11.12.07)

"The Whole Time"

2008-01-09T05:58:00.001-06:00

The whole time I thought
that your blood would be my ink.
I'm so stupid
just to even think.
I'm sorry that I believed you
I'm sorry that you lied.
but over all i'm sorry that
In you, I died.
I died without realizing that I should have moved first
I died without warning
No ice to quench this thirst-
to cure this horror
or pretend or make believe
I thought I could open up
I thought
maybe
you'd love me.

I thought wrong,
and I gave you so much.
I'm glad I didn't give you everything
but I still feel your touch.

I want your hands off of my shoulders
I want to move on-
stress grows you older.

I need to leave-
to pack my things.
I need to get you off my mind
I need, I want, I think
But I can't...
leave you behind...

I hate what you said to me
I hate every bit of it
I fell for all the stupid "beautiful" shit.
I fucking hate this feeling
But I can't hate you
I can't let go of it.

(11.11.07)

"Sleeping"

2008-01-09T05:56:00.000-06:00

Sit around
your venom has made me flammable.
So let the flame burn straight
to the ground.
Piss on my ashes so it doesn't smell like burning hair
and when I'm floating far in death
I can imagine you were there.

I've got it pulled back
out of my face
but I'll miss you laying there anyway.

So I kept a piece of you inside of me
but when I died, I wish you were beside me.
I took in your venom, but you still bit me hard
and once was all it took
I lay in bed, I shook.

Cold as Ice, was how I died...
Wishing your arms were around me
but I wished too much,
expected more than you had

Instead of love, I have the unknown
I'm sleeping in your empty bloodstream, instead of a home.

(11.11.07)

"Like You Need Me"

2008-01-09T05:52:00.000-06:00

Fuck this
fuck that
keep it coming, got that?
Ditch me again,
make me feel unwanted (I like it)
Lead me like I'm needed
Then leave me like I'm bleeding.
You chew out this problem, like its nothing
You peel my veins out
Hoping you'll find something.

Don't do heroin; the dope makes you sick.
. . .But pot just turns you into a dick.
Lick my throat clean and then Forget
That you're the one
who keeps me up.
You're the one...
And you've got me Stuck.

(11/11/07)

"Apocalypse"

2008-01-09T05:51:00.000-06:00

The world seemed to end
as we kissed again
Don't be scared to dance
Or be afraid of Romance.
Hold on to me, and then you'll see
The world can crumble
around you and me.
They can watch,
but we can see.

I grab your hand, as we step across the sand
-the debris left behind
from the world's end.
"The Apocalypse is coming!", they whispered in our ears.
The Apocalypse has come and gone, but look at us,
We're still here.

I taste your romance,
Together we dance
as the sun sets on the sand.
And we'll kiss the day good bye, Kiss the stars goodnight
-Let the world end around us-
we're all that's left,
This feels so right.

(November 11, 2007)

Everything you would want to know, I have just explained.

2008-01-09T05:50:00.000-06:00

Lets say this is a Diary. But its public now. You're reading my mind. I am writing to you, all of you, my current thoughts.
Everything that is going on in my mind right now
Is recorded right here.
I close my eyes and take a look around at all this shit. I imagine I'm with somebody, I imagine I can feel him. I imagine he feels me the same way.
I pretend that I am loved in a way I've always wanted to be
All things come to an end.
Everything, it all begins just to end.
If i'm confusing you now, you should stop reading this.
We are born to die. Every second, we become closer to death.
After we die, what happens? your offspring re-live your life.
there is no originality.
What's this life for?
I want to die in some insane fucked up way. I want to shoot myself in the mouth or gauge out my eye balls just to see how it feels.
I'm not deranged. I'm not weird. I am the same as you are. and you are the same as everyone around you.
You are not on drugs, You are High on Life.
Life is your fucking drug, so choose to add more to it.
Life is a miricle, but would it matter if you WEREN'T here?
Would people miss you if you were never born? because one person can't make a difference in anything in the world.
we are here to live for ourselves and get pleasure out of it. that's it.
reproduction is in the imagination. I am living a Lie,
So are you.

War is stupid. people are dumb.
Reach out to what you think you are and tap yourself on the shoulder
wake up.
youre not real
you're a fucking fake
and so am I.

It's eleven-eleven. 11:11.
I am making a wish.
I can't tell you. But its important. I want you to know
but I can't tell you, or it won't come true.

Flannel shirts are comfy. Flowers smell like You.
I want you here now.
So much smoke fills up this room and the incense is losing its familiar smell.
Shit, Now I've reached the end of the stick, time to put this out.
Smells like mountain flowers
Feels like your hands around my neck.
Ow, I burned myself trying to light another one
and now the fire is out.

I like the sound of clicking. I like the sound of tapping
I should be doing my home work, but . . .a zero sounds nice right now?
I want to be playing violin, but whats that? your fingers hurt and are covered in bruises from playing for 5 hours yesterday? oh shit! I'll do that later.

I love it when people hug me from behind.
I also like it when you sit on me and crush my face, and make it so I can't breathe.
My nails click click click,
I hear an engine outside. I think my dad is in his car. He may want to get that squeaking noise checked out.

My lamp says blub.
I see a cow. I'm hugging the cow.
His name is Leonard and he smells like cherries.
That reminds me of yesterday when I walked to the park and found a leaf.
It was red, I named MooFace. Had yellow veins.

I wish my veins were yellow, that would be so cool.
the engine noise stopped.
I need to stop thinking now. good bye. good night.

(November 4, 2007 - Sunday)

"Neck Deep"

2008-01-09T05:48:00.000-06:00

"Neck deep (for the Weak)"
--Tori Ahrens--

I've been dragging what's left of this body
across a beach to be let down.
I've been dragging what's left of my heart
down
down
down...

Comin' up ahead of me
I see what's become of me
I see what has deteriorated into something small

See what used to be honor,
has faded from pride to horror.
Feel what used to be anger
to just letting things slide from lack of care.
I've grown, I've changed, I've cut all my hair...

I've been smothered in my own insults
Trying to find what should be
I've been digging deeper beneath this sand
To try and find some hope in me.

Pulling myself up this shore
and missing the sun set behind me
I think I turned out wrong
I think I'm nothing better than what I see.

I've been crawling now for what seems like forever
and I'm stopping here
I'm stopping alone
I'm burying myself inside this shore,
this sand is my new home.

(November 2, 2007)

"Kill the Lie"

2008-01-09T05:46:00.000-06:00

"Kill the Lie"

Take my hand and kill my lies
Together we'll kill the world in our eyes.
Take my hand, I'll help you step into the your life,
I'll help you keep yourself alive, just help me kill the lie.

Something tells me
that behind our wall of safety,
Is something lurking,
trying to call us out of hiding.

So take my hand and kill my lies,
Together we'll kill the world
as we see it
In our eyes.

Behind our wall of safety
is a lesson in life,
a fading vapor- an escence of lost strife.

Please don't ignore me,
Please hear my scream. . .

Take my hand and kill my lies,
Together we'll kill the world
as we see it
In our eyes.
Together We'll Kill the World
As we see it
in our eyes...

----------------------------------------
=Wicked ass old shit from 7th grade!=

October 31, 2007 - Wednesday

"Nothing Like the Normal"

2008-01-08T20:50:00.000-06:00

"Nothing Like the Normal"

All alone
but still with you
She feels like there's not a thing she can do.
She's all alone
(but) she's got you.
But then again, you'd never see
You'd never give her what she needs.
She's finally got you--What she's wanted
You've got her, but you don't notice.
She holds your hand
You're more than the rest
You're second to none
Because you're the best.
I wish you'd show it
I wish you'd see
That you mean everything
To Me.

--10/12/07--